My Paper Heart

So this past week I was sick and missed three days of work because of it. And when I say I was sick, I mean I was physically sore everywhere, stuffed up, sore throat, cough, headache, etc. It was bad. I managed to get over that only to have a bunch of other things kinda blow up on me.

There was one positive though…I got approved for the loan I needed to pay for school for this year!! Huge blessing from God right there!!

I did hit a low point on Sunday early afternoon and I have kinda been there since. Just got hit with this sudden emotional wave of thought from my past and ended up doing something extremely stupid because I was at such a low point. I will forever have a mark of the stupidity caused by this low point. I wish I could say otherwise.

But then I have had three friends come to me with struggles of their own and they have asked for my advice and support. One friend is having relationship issues and she doesn’t know what exactly is going to happen. Another is dealing with relationship issues of sorts, as well as major moral issues. He has definitely gotten himself into some serious tight spots and is having a difficult time trying to decide what is the best way to handle it all. And the other friend is seriously considering ending his life and I have been talking to him for over 24hs now (almost continuously) trying to figure out what is going on and why he feels this way. I am extremely worried for him and am doing everything I can to help out.

I am worried about all three of them and wish I didn’t feel so inadequate when it comes to advice and experience. It is also just a tad overwhelming to deal with all of it at one time. I can fairly easily deal with the issues the first two have, but i’m seriously feeling lost as to what to do and how to help my third friend.

Just praying that God will give me the wisdom I need and the right words when I talk with them. Praying for His guiding hand for me and my friends in these situations. Praying for His peace for my friends as they deal with these issues.

It would be awesome if you guys could pray for these friends of mine! It would mean the world to them!

yes-to-delete said: everyone says it, but pray. especially since you don’t know where God is calling you to.. so my advice; suck it up xD and pray pray pray(:

That’s what i’m doing for the time being. Just figuring out stuff here for the fall and praying. If something changes before the semester is over then I will deal with it then. It’s the waiting that is going to kill me…

I really just don’t know what to do.

I am at an amazing college! I love the campus, the professors, my RAs, the girls on my dorm floor, my friends, my roommate, and my future roommates (as of the moment). Yet I feel like I’m not supposed to be here anymore, like God is calling me to go somewhere else. I don’t know where but I don’t know how to bring it up to the three girls i’m supposed to be rooming with this coming year or more importantly…my mom. She is going to have a cow. She’ll probably freak out about how much work she has put in for me to be at this school, but for some reason I don’t really care. Is it better to go where I feel God is calling me or to stay here, suck it up, and push through even though I don’t feel like i’m where i’m supposed to be?? :/

I really just don’t know what to do…

Sometimes it would be nice to feel like I could actually rely on my mom.

I wonder sometimes if she even truly cares about my schooling or not. The way she treats the things that need to be done in relation to my schooling is not reassuring. She likes to put things off until the last minute. I try to take care of things myself unless I need her to do it, but when I never know when she is going to take care of it I have a hard time asking her to do it.

It is really just frustrating for me to have to try and get everything done myself even when she is supposed to be taking care of it.

But i’m giving it to God and asking for some patience to deal with the situation. It will all work out the way He has planned.

So I decided this summer at NYC in Louisville, Kentucky, that I was going to turn things around and begin to live my life more for Him. That I was going to strengthen my relationship with my Father. It went great for the first couple months. I did devotionals on a fairly regular basis and I started to get back into the habit of praying. Then I went to college and things got busy. With classes, homework, friends, theatre stuff, work, family and health/physical issues, it just became hard to find the time. That sounds terrible of me. That I couldn’t find time for my Heavenly Father. As of tonight that is going to change. I am going to make time for my Father, regardless of what is going on in my schedule. I just got to listening to some sermons by Mark Driscoll and it got me thinking. I do not want to keep living this life where I say i’m a Christian and that I have a relationship with my Father, yet when I am not around others, I act as if it is not important at all. It is extremely important and I have been neglecting the relationship that should be the one that I am serious about strengthening. It should be the most important relationship in my life. And I am going to be making it the most important one in my life. As of tonight, I am officially starting again spiritually. I am going to invest time into getting to know my Father on a far deeper and more personal level. I am genuinely excited about what the future has to hold. I cannot wait to see what my Father is going to do in my life in the coming days, weeks and months.